Tuesday, March 24, 2015

निर्विकल्पित !

निर्विकल्प भएर ऊ विकल्प खोज्न हिडिछे।  थाहा थियो ऊलाई के भै राखेको छ, आगामी के हुनेछ अनि सबै ति तेस्ता कुराहरु। धेरै चोटि आउने बिचार नै यहि थियो कि ऊलाई हरेक कुराको पूर्वाभास कसरि हुन्छ।  फेरि सोच्थि केहि थाहा नै नहुने भए कति रमाइलो हुन्थ्यो जिन्दगि अनि फेरि अर्को सोच आई टोपल्थ्यो या बढि भयावह नै हुन्थ्यो।  जे होस् ऊस्को सोचको परिधि भन्दा बाहिर पुगिसकेको थियो हरेक कुरो अनि ऊ धेरै कुरो नि सहन नसक्ने भै सकेकि थिई।  

फेरी सोच्थि ऊस्ले चाहेंकि त थिइन नि य़ी सब कुरो फेरि उसै सँग किन हुन गएछ सब। तेहि भएर यि सब कुरो बाट टाढा रहन चाहन्थी ऊ। यि यदावत अन्तहिन सोचहरुले ऊस्लाई निकै नै गाह्रो गरिरहेको थियो केहि समय अघि देखि नै।  तर ऊस्को दुर्भाग्य ऊ केहि गर्न नि सक्दिन थिइ यस् बारे, आफुसँग गन-गन गर्न सिवाय।  

इति !

Sunday, March 15, 2015

The Torn Feathers!

She flapped her wings
they seemed torn
she tried to fly
far was the sky

She tried to speak
came out the whimpers
hard she cry
but her pains didn't die

She tend to stand tough
though she was in a grump
she did not squeak a bit
even her silence didn't speak

She was a masterpiece
still things were out of peace
she kept trying
though her efforts were dying

And then she left the grumblings
out came the sufferings
she saw her feathers cut
still she didn't grunt

Image courtesy: @DeviantArt

She-my friend (The "HALTED" story)

14th March, 2015 

After freshening up early in the morning, I directly went to my laptop. I had some quick emails to make as I was busy preparing for a trip starting the next day. It was a week long trip where I was to have limited access to email. With a cup of tea I sat before the screen and started my e-day. As I was going through the regular mails, a subject line drew my attention. It was written in bold letters 'HALTED'. This was a surprising 'subject' in an email from Preeya. Though she had had different complains at different point of time but this was more of a different subject line in her series of emails.  I somehow felt something was bothering her more this time, but still couldn't make out what. As I opened the mail my thoughts flew to her place;

Dear Suman,

I just wanted to tell you that the thoughts wanted to halt for sometime. They have had enough of battles with themselves...................................Preeya!

"This was the end of a brilliant piece of email," a thought swirled in my mind and vanished itself. I had seen her growing and glowing within different spheres and also witnessed that each day had been a battle for her but she was not the kind of person who would surrender. I never thought this word existed in her dictionary. But there she came with the word "Halted". I tried to figure out the meaning of this word. I typed "define halted" in a new tab and google came up with the option:

The word 'stop' drew my attention. "She wanted to 'stop'--but why??," I asked myself. 
"What was the reason of her stoppage? 
Why does she want to stop in the middle of nowhere?
Why such an email?
What has been bothering her so much?"

Questions overflooded me. I couldn't work anymore, I felt the need to speak to her. I called her immediately. In my 5th attempt she picked up the phone. 

"Hello," a timid voice spoke up from the other end. 

"Hey," was my brief say and immediately I flooded her with my questions. All the 5W1H were waiting for her.

"I do not have any answer for now Suman," she said. But she forgot it was me- the one with whom she cannot hide a word. 

"What happened Preeya, tell na," I said in a loving tone. She sounded melted.

"I don't find ways Suman, I feel helpless--with no way out. 
I feel I am creating delusions.
I feel possessive.
I feel obsessed.
I feel loved and thereby feel unloved.
I feel I donot have much time, I feel the urge to do something and suddenly my interest withers off. 
It is such a dilemma I am in, I can't tell,' she started crying.

I could feel all the pain in her voice. I knew her restlessness. I knew what she was going through, still I wanted to hear more from her. "Keep going," I said slowly.

She sulked her cries and added,"I want to fly Suman.
I just don't want to exist, I want to get existenceless.
I do not want to be there in the known world.
I want to dwell in an unknown world at many times. I have not slept for days just thinking this," she said in a quivering tone again.

I couldn't see her in pains anymore. I said,"Preeya, have you seen the dusk end?" I paused.

"Have you seen the dawn rise?
Have you felt the blowing breeze?"

She was quiet.

I added again,"everything is existential, everything has it's value. Time flows like the sand in hand. None of us can ever stop it. Can never break-through. 
You feel possessive-quite natural, no worries dear.
What you can do is do your part. You can love-but can't make others love.
Sing, dance, read, write, just ENJOY -- all your interests will be back. Remember there's an end to everything. 'Everything passes--as everything else does.' So let the unwanted ones pass and the wanted ones come on track. Stay happy dear. Happiness is the ultimate charm of life, so be happy." 

There was silence all around. I couldn't hear anything more. I could hear the silent snores in the phone. I felt how tired she was from past few days which came up as the snoring song. After listening to her sleeps, contentedly I put the phone down and got busy for the days' tasks.

15th March, 2015

Before leaving the town I checked my email briskly, this might be the last email checking for the rest of the week I thought. Under a pile of emails I was astonished to see the subject line ":-)". I couldn't help my smile and curiosity and opened up the email in a haste.

Dear Suman,

I feel happy. I see hope. Hope for today. Hope for tomorrow. More when you come back. I love you dear friend. Thank you for being there............................Preeya :-)!

I felt happy. Relaxed! The smile changed it's face value in my face.

Driver dai had started blowing horn at my door. I hurriedly closed the laptop, ran downstairs towards the door-smiling this time.

Image courtesy: Google Images.

Wednesday, February 4, 2015


There were times
when we always talked
those were blissful

There were times
when silence spoke more than words
those were lovely

There were times
we seldom met
still those were soothing

There were times
love flourished
those were the best

~~The times changed~~

There came the time
we hardly heard each other
those were the hardest

There begun the time
when you were missed
you never bothered

There started the time
when you did not care
they were heart-breaking

There came the time
when you forgot me
that was the end.

Image courtesy: Deviant Art

Thursday, January 29, 2015

Tears and Smiles!

She will write her story
interwoven with pain
with tears in her eyes

She will try to laugh
amidst those pains
with tears in her eyes

You will see her smiles
never will you see her cry
even when tears are rolling in her eyes

She is a charmer
she looks ecstatic
Though tears are always there in her eyes.

Image courtesy: katepowellart!

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

समय !

समय मसँग नभएको हो कि
समय तिमीसँगै नभएको हो
समयको वास्ता तिमीले नगरेको हो कि—
समयलाई मैले नै नचिनेको हो
समयसँग लुकामारी खेल्दै जाँदा 
समयकै कथा–व्यथा भन्दै जाँदा 
यही समय
सधैं आफूसँग कहिल्यै रहेन

हे समय ! 
तिम्रै गीत गाइरहँदा
हर निमेष तिम्रै कुरा गरिरहँदा
मलाई— सधैं तिमी किन अपुग हुन्छौ ?

फेरी पनि तिमीलाई नै सम्झीरहँदा 
तिम्रै कुरा गरिरहँदा 
तिमि जहिल्यै सकिहाल्छौ-
हातबाट बालुवा सरि 
मिर्मिरेमा उदाएको सुर्य अनि 
अध्यारो रातका चकमन्न तारा सरि
बद्लीहाल्छौ मौसम सरि 
अनि बगिहाल्छौ नदि सरि 

हे समय ! 
तिम्रै कथा सुनाइरहँदा
तिम्रै बारे व्याख्या गर्दा 
तिमी—सधै किन प्रश्न बनि आउछौ ?

इति !
परिदृश्य: गुगल इमेज! 

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

The waitings!

I waited
all those moments
just to see that smile
and the smile
just vanished
in a fraction of while

The waits I made
were worth of it
though it last not long
those were my feels
in the momentarily bliss
had it been no wrong

Some more thoughts
just flung along
as flipped the time hereby
I waited again
to feel those moments
and just bid a goodbye!

Metta !!

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Her story !





End of "her story" !
Metta !!

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

फेरी तिमी !

कता कता

फेरी उता

यदा कदा

सदा सदा !

एवमस्तु !!
तस्विर: विशाल !
पहिले: तिमी!

Monday, January 5, 2015


the thoughts
the murmurs
the mumblings

the thumbs
the throws
the pins

those dreams
the desires
and happenings

the bags
with the rags
and rumblings

the faith
and foreseeings !